ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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