what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She's better-looking with the mask on.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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