I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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