PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We named our party play list daddy issues
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
