did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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