I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
