last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
