So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
