literally had 100 drinks last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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