Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
