My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
