if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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