Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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