I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
