just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
