I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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