Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
