i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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