ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
