Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
