At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
