okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
