You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
