you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
