I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
