Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
