when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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