he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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