these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize