I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
