i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
