Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
