but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
