I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
