TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
