You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I met the friendliest cop last night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
