Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
