people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
