that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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