the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
