he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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