i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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