I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
