Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize