I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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