We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You're like the curious george of whores
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
