Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
