If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Text me some of your sweat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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