I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
