note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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