I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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