Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
