When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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