your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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