Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
