Apparently you make a good broom.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
