I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
