hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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