Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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