I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
