I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
