In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
