I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
