i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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