i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
