Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
