i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
