So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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