I'm eating all of the evidence.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
