god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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